This Means War

When I first saw the trailer for this flick and the big capital letters filled the screen saying SPY VS SPY I though, yay, someone has adapted those cool Spy Vs Spy comics I used to read as a kid from Mad Magazine... but that wasn't the case. One day... I have no idea how, but one day...

This Means War was directed by McG (Charlie's Angels) and written by Timothy Dowling (Role Models) and Simon Kinberg (Sherlock Holmes). Dowling also shares story by credit with Marcus Gautesen (Carboy).

Super hot CIA field agents FDR (Chris Pine - Unstoppable) and Tuck (Tom Hardy - Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy) have been partners for years. After a not-so-covert operation in Hong Kong where they killed some bad dude's brother, the boys have been grounded in Los Angeles by their boss Collins (Angela Bassett - Green Lantern). They have some time on their hands and they start thinking about getting into a relationship, not with each other, that would be a totally different film.

Lauren (Reese Witherspoon - Water for Elephants) runs in to her ex Steve (Warren Christie - Apollo 18) who is very happily engaged. Lauren starts thinking about dating too. Her pushy sister Trish (Chelsea Handler - Chelsey Lately) puts Lauren's photo on a dating site. Soon she has a hit. It's Tuck. They two go out on a date and have a super good time. Afterwards, Lauren pops down to the video shop to rent a film where she meets FRD. They also go out on a date and also have a super good time.

The guys soon realise they are dating the same girl but they don't tell Lauren they know each other. They do however use hard-earned tax payer's dollars to fund cover operations to spy on and sabotage each other's dates. All the while that cranky brotherless dude Heinrich (Til Schweiger - Inglourious Basterds) is making his way to Los Angeles to hunt down the guys who killed his brother.Will Lauren be able to choose the right guy for her or will cranky brotherless dude find them first??

This film was a lot of fun but if you're looking for some life-changing epiphanies, look elsewhere. It was kind of like Charlie's Angels with dudes. Nice dudes. Tom Hardy. Totes nom. Anyway. The script was clever with some good one liners. The action scenes were well choreographed including a very clever way to get someone to pull their car over by using a crow bar. The camera work was a bit jolty at times, handy-cam and actions scenes aren't really my cup of tea as it often makes for hard viewing.

The guys were both great and had good chemistry with Witherspoon. Handler provided some enjoyable comic relief. The soundtrack was good, I hope someone does a mash-up of Sade and The Beastie Boys soon.

Things I learnt: Gustav Klimt painted with his penis; best way to spend thirty seconds is to spin around with a bucket on your head; don't buy one-off suits.

Fun.
Seven out of ten.

Gone

 Nothing interesting to say up here for this one. Apolz.

Gone was directed by Heitor Dhalia (Adrift) and written by Allison Burnett (Underworld: Awakening).

Portland. Oregon. Former psychiatric patient Jill (Amanda Seyfried - Red Riding Hood) wakes up one morning to find her sister Molly (Emily Wickersham - I Am Number Four) gone (hence the title). A few years ago Jill found her self also in the state of being gone. She was kept in a hole in the ground by some dude but she managed to escape. Now Jill thinks he's back and took her sister in error, she thinks he wanted her again because she knows his secrets but hasn't been able to show the police where the hole in the ground was even though she's been looking for it every day. The cops, along with everyone else, just think she's crazy... which she kinda is.

She reckons he's gonna kill Molly by the end of the day so she goes on her own little investigation around Portland with a gun. She's not allowed to have a gun. The cops want her and the gun more than they do her sister.

That's pretty much the gist of this film. It was rather ordinary and I don't think I've written down so many notes about a film ever so I'm just gonna type them up. Questions mostly, also annoyances...

• Why does the female Detective have such bad hair? 
• If Jill is so paranoid about her personal safety, why does she park so far away from work at that time of night? 
• I have duct tape too, maybe I took her sister. 
• Rapey eyes? 
• Cheap scares - jumpy cat. 
• Jill's made up stories are totes annoying after the twentieth time. 
• Why did she not take her pills? 
• Scary 'slo-mo' camera work when new dudes arrive on screen, poor way of manipulating the audience into making conclusions about the character.
•  Again, if Jill was so concerned about her personal safety, why would she go to where the dude is and not get him to come to her? He did offer a choice.
• Sharon (Jennifer Carpenter - Dexter) gives Jill her car then says 'don't come back here again.' Huh? Not even to drop off the car? Free car!
• Dude says 'Just us again... and the others.' What?
• I can think of a better four-letter word for the title of this film.  

It's a weird blend of Silence of the Lambs, Kiss the Girls, and all those other films like this one that I can't be bothered thinking of at the moment.

Things I learnt: plumbers have duct tape? Shock!; America needs gun control laws; the dream of the nineties IS alive in Portland, just not in this film.

Meh.
Two out of ten.

Watch this instead.

One for the Money

You know, sometimes life just ain't fair. One day someone decides to make a film out of one of your favourite book series and you're like yay, about time they did that. Then someone decides to put your least favourite actress in it and you're like, shit, I swore I'd never see another film with that person in it ever again. Damn skippy.

One for the Money was directed by Julie Anne Robinson (The Last Song). The screenplay was written by first time feature writers Stacy Sherman and Karen Ray, with Liz Brixius (Nurse Jackie) which was adapted from the awesome book 'One for the Money' by Janet Evanovich.

Trenton. New Jersey. Stephanie Plum (Katherine Heigl - Grey's Anatomy) got fired from her job as a lingerie sales chick six months ago. The bills are piling up and her car just got repossessed. She needs a job stat. At dinner one night, her mum (Debra Monk - Grey's Anatomy) tells Stephanie that her cousin Vinnie (Patrick Fischler - Grimm) has a job going at his Bail Bonds office. By the time Stephanie gets there, the job is gone but there's another way for her to make some cash. Meet Stephanie Plum, Bounty Hunter.

A cool $50,000 is waiting for the person who brings in Joe Morelli (Jason O'Mara - Terra Nova). He's a cop who is wanted for shooting an unarmed man. Morelli and Plum used to go out so she reckons she can finish the job. Being that Plum is a newbie, Vinnie puts her in touch with action-figurine Ranger (Daniel Sunjata - Grey's Anatomy) for assistance and for some weapons training.

Morelli says he is innocent and soon Plum is helping him find the witness who saw what went down. Plum enlists help from a prostitute Lula (Sherri Shepherd - 30 Rock) who trades information for snacks. Plum gets herself involved with some shady characters who have a habit of killing off people she talks to and Plum is on their hit list.

I haven't read the book for ages but the film was pretty much how I remembered it - the shower scene, the hamster Rex in his little cage, the thrill-seeking Grandma Mazur (Debbie Reynolds - Will & Grace). That much of it I enjoyed. Unfortunately there was something that didn't translate all that well to the screen. I loved the books. They were hilarious. At one stage I contemplated buying a guinea pig and calling it Rex, I even bought a book about guinea pigs. It's best that I didn't, I can't even look after plants. Maybe if they had someone else in the lead role I might have enjoyed it more. There is just something so grating about Heigl and I found it hard to look past that, and she was in every scene.

At ninety-one minutes, the film is short. I don't know if they will make any more of the books into films but I hope that if they do, they flesh some of the characters out a bit more. The book has a lot of well-formed, likable characters but the film didn't get to spend much time with any of them... except Plum. Sherri Shepherd was great as 'good hooker' Lula. I do hope she's in the sequel.

The voice-over narration was annoying at times and unnecessary. Morelli was pretty much how I pictured him and Ranger... swoon-worthy Ranger looked very nice indeed. I have to ask though, what's with all the TV actors in this film?

I'm really torn over this. Damn you Heigl. If you're a fan of the book, go see it, it's always nice to put faces to familiar characters even though they will never live up to your expectations. That's just the way adaptations go (except Harry Potter) (and Lord of the Rings) (and Silence of the Lambs) (and a whole bunch of other book-to-film films). Like me, your curiosity will eventually overwhelm your dislike for you know who.

Things I learnt: fresh air is good for the boys; don't give Grandma a gun when there's a chicken on the table; never shower naked.

Enjoyable enough.
Six out of ten.

Midnight in Paris

In the tradition (weeks old tradition) of The Artist and Hugo, Midnight in Paris gives us an insight into a golden age, this time of art and literature in Paris during the 1920s. The film has been nominated for a bunch of awards and even picked up a few that The Artist for some reason or another didn't win.

Midnight in Paris was written and directed by Woody Allen (Whatever Works).

Gil (Owen Wilson - Hall Pass) is an American in Paris. He and his fiancé Inez (Rachel McAdams - Morning Glory) are holidaying in the city while Inez' father John (Kurt Fuller - Psych) is in town on business with his wife Helen (Mimi Kennedy - Due Date). While at dinner one night, they meet up with Inez' friend Carol (Nina Arianda - Win Win) and her husband Paul (Michael Sheen - Frost/Nixon). Paul is a self-appointed expert on everything. Everything (though not really). The only thing Gil and Inez have in common is their like for Indian food... well, pita bread.

Gil is a screenwriter in Hollywood but wants to move to Paris to write his novel. For Gil, Paris in the 1920s was the 'Golden Age'; the cafes and bookstores filled with intellectuals, artists and writers. One night, Gil takes a break away from everyone and wanders the streets. He gets lost and at the stroke of midnight, a vintage car pulls up next to him. After some persuading from its inhabitants, he hops in the car. Inside are Scott Fitzgerald (Tom Hiddleston - Thor) and his wife Zelda (Alison Pill - Scott Pilgrim Vs The World). They drive to a club and soon Gil is meeting the likes of Cole Porter (Yves Heck - Chez Maupassant) and Ernest Hemingway (Corey Stoll - Salt), only this isn't a fancy dress party, this really is the 1920s.

Gil makes a habit of these midnight strolls and each night he is transported back to his Golden Age. Gertrude Stein (Kathy Bates - The Blind Side) gives Gil a critique of his novel, he falls for Pablo Picasso's girlfriend Adriana (Marion Cotillard - Contagion), discusses time travel with Salvador Dali (Adrien Brody - The Experiment) and Man Ray (Tom Cordier - Becky), and introduces Zelda Fitzgerald to valium. The experience is a dream come true. The more time he spends in the 20s the more inspired he is to write and the less he wants to spend in the present day. But every morning, he is planted back in the present day. Thing is, he's not the only one who is dabbling in the art of time travel.

What a joy this was. The first three minutes were kind of odd, like watching a collection of screen savers showing off the city. But after that the decadent colour pallette of a Monet painting filled the screen. The film looked absolutely gorgeous. The drapes in a hotel room matched a glass of orange juice. There was a scene in The Louvre where someone's shirt perfectly matched a painting behind them. The lamp-lit streets looked so dreamy at night, as if from a painting. The costuming and set decoration were exquisite, every centimeter of screen was filled with something wondrous to look at. 

Wilson does a fine job at being the latest vessel for Woody Allen's words, of which there are always many. He has more than made up for the craptastic Hall Pass. Cotillard is so lovely and McAdams shines as always, even if her character doesn't like Paris.

Things I learnt: if you side with the help you're a Communist; Hemingway sure was feisty; there is no 'strange' when talking to surrealists.

Enchanting.

Nine out of ten.

The Grey

The Grey was directed by Joe Carnahan (The A-Team) who also co-wrote the screenplay with Ian Mackenzie Jeffers (Death Sentence) which was adapted from the short story 'Ghost Walker' which Jeffers wrote. 

Way up north in Alaska a bunch of guys are working at an oil drilling thing. Ottway (Liam Neeson - Taken) is one of the many thugs/ex-cons/arseholes hired to look after the workers. Wolves frequently try to attack the men while they are at work on the snow and Ottway is a mighty fine sniper. Every so often the guys get a plane ride back to civilisation to spend with family/loved ones/whores. 

Ottway is a broken man. His wife left him and he is constantly thinking of her. Rifle barrel in mouth, he is just about to kill himself when he hears the howling of a wolf in the distance. It must be a sign. He puts the gun away and gets on the plane. The plane crashes. 

With Ottway are seven other men, six other men, five other men. The crash, the freezing conditions, and the wolves pick the men off one by one. The group plan to fight their way through blizzards hoping to find their way south. Kind-hearted Hendrick (Dallas Roberts - Rubicon) gathers up the dead mens' wallets to take them to their families back home. Token arsehole Dias (Frank Grillo - Warrior) soon learns his place after a run in with Ottway. The wolves have their alpha male, the big grey wolf; the men have theirs too in Ottway. 

Ottway knows a lot about wolves having been hunting them for a long time. The wolves get cranky if someone is within thirty miles of their den, so the men have to be on the look out at all times. They light fires and make weapons out of sticks and shotgun shells. Everywhere they go the wolves follow them. Food is scarce, the weather totes sucks, and all the men have someone they want to get back to, but will anyone make it out of the wolves's territory alive?

 This was a great film. The characters were so compelling and there was practically an instant bond with most of them. Within minutes of the plane crash a character called Lewenden (James Badge Dale - Rubicon) dies and it painted Ottway's character so beautifully as he talked the dying man through his last breath. Dias was almost too grating in the beginning, I wanted to kill him myself. 

It must have been an absolutely horrible shoot. I'm sure some of the weather conditions were special effects but a lot of it looked really real. The guys were plodding through at least half a meter of snow at times and the wind looked frightful. 

Carnahan delivered some truly suspenseful scenes, the guy next to me jumped out of his seat a few times. I loved the way the sound alternated between the frantic sounds of the plane crashing or the wolves howling in the trees with the serenity of Ottway's thoughts of his wife in bed. In one scene all that is heard are the footfalls of a wolf on a stony riverbank as it comes closer, closer...

There is a lot of blood so be warned those with queasy tummies. Special kudos must go to Greg Nicotero from The Walking Dead who was the animatronics, special effects and makeup supervisor for this film. Everything looked amazing. 

Neeson has become a genuine bad ass muthafucker what with this film and Taken. He certainly is versatile. 

The ending is sudden and may or may not satisfy; there is a very quick scene after the credits that may lend some relief. 

Things I learnt: Liam Neeson sucks at pep talks; if you have to crash a plane, try to crash near a town; always carry a thermos.

Chilling.
Eight out of ten.

Chronicle

I wasn't planning on seeing this film. I thought it would be one of those hokey supernatural films that have been plaguing the screens too often lately, but then I read tweets from Simon Pegg and Damon Lindelof who both really liked it. I like their stuff so logically I should like the stuff that they like. Right?

Chronicle was directed by Joshn Trank (The Kill Point) who also co-wrote the screenplay with Max Landis (Masters of Horror). And yes, Max is son of John.

For Andrew (Dane DeHaan - True Blood), life is pretty shit. His mum Karen (Bo Peterson - Outcasts) is sick and can barely get out of bed. Her medication is expensive and the family just doesn't have any money. Andrew's dad Richard (Michael Kelly - The Adjustment Bureau) is an alcoholic and beats up on Andrew whenever he gets cranky. At school he gets picked on by a bunch of arseholes. Sick of the status of the quo and armed with a crappy video camera, Andrew starts to document everything that goes on in his life.

His cousin Matt (Alex Russell - Wasted on the Young) drives him to and from school everyday and is pretty much the only person he talks to. Matt persuades Andrew to go to a party in an abandoned barn. Class President gonna-be Steve (Michael B. Jordan - Red Tails) (no relation) wants Andrew to go out to a field to video a hole in the ground. The three guys go underground to see what secrets lurk underneath the field. What they find changes them. Everything is filmed.

They all develop telekinetic abilities though Andrew seems to have more control over his than the other guys. One day moving Lego pieces around is exciting, soon they are moving cars. But being able to move objects isn't the only power they wield. After Andrew puts someone in hospital, Matt sets down the rules, chiefly, don't use their powers on living things. Andrew, who has a lot going on at home, doesn't really like being told what to do. Things quickly get out of hand as their powers cause massive amounts of damage to themselves and their surroundings.

I really, really enjoyed this film. I was so glad they didn't use the now trope 'found footage' message on screen like they keep doing with Paranormal Activity - hey guys, we know it's a film, there's been three of them now! I liked how they used different sources of video throughout the film, unlike some films already mentioned, it never felt like 'oh, they just happen to have a camera there, how convenient... not' which was such a relief. I thought how they made use of Andrew's powers to change the camera angles on a regular basis was clever so we were never stuck with the same views.

The story and script was tight. It packs a lot of punches for the brief eighty-four minutes that it ran for which was good, it didn't drag, it didn't feel rushed. The special effects, while a bit iffy in some places, were great in others. The big fight scene towards the end looked amazing. Poor Seattle. Performances all round were solid, DeHaan was terrifying in some scenes!

Things I learnt: hey America, your health care system REALLY sucks; it's fun messing with monk's minds; what would Jung think about glowsticks?

Impressive.
Eight out of ten.

Any Questions for Ben?

We make some darn funny flicks here in Oz. Most notably, The Castle, one of the most quotable films ever released in my neck of the woods. If you start singing about Bonny Doon at the office, people will join in. The Dish was a cracker as well (so was The Cracker for that matter) ("Beer at 1972 prices!"). The team behind The Castle and The Dish have finally written another film. I wonder how much pressure they'd be feeling right now, responsible for two Aussie classics, and a new one on the way... Will this one go straight to the pool room?

Rob Sitch, Santo Cilauro and Tom Gleisner have written some of the best shows on telly. If you can find Funky Squad or even Bargearse (yes, it's dubbed), watch them, watch them now! The guys are back with their new film Any Questions for Ben? which Sitch directed.

Ben (Josh Lawson - House of Lies) is twenty-seven. He changes jobs every six months, moves houses when the leases expire, and hasn't had a relationship that lasted longer than three months. Ben rebrands things for work. He gets a letter from his old high school asking him to speak at their career's night. Also there is the gorgeous Alex (Rachel Taylor - Red Dog). She's a human rights lawyer based in Yemen. After her speech, the kids have many questions for her about her work. After Ben's speech about what he does for a living, no one has their hand up.

Ben starts to reevaluate his life but he just can't seem to find the right person to talk it over with. Best mate and triathlete-slash-mitigation lawyer Nick (Daniel Henshall - Snowtown) is just about to get married to Emily (Felicity Ward - Laid); flatmate Andy (Christian Clark - Home and Away) doesn't really think about things too much; and his other friend Sam (Lachy Hulme - Offspring) is opening up a new bar.

While soul-searching he has meaningless fling after meaningless fling but he just can't get Alex out of his mind. They spend a lovely day together around Melbourne but she's soon off on a plane overseas and back to work. She's about to come back home again for Nick and Emily's wedding but will Ben figure out the secret of life before it's too late? Or will Alex keep dating the dashing Danish doctor?

This one will be going next door to the pool room, very close to the door where you can see the pool room from where you're standing... It's hard not to compare - The Castle and The Dish had something so incredibly and fantastically Australian about them, but that unique Aussie-ness just isn't in this film. While Melbourne looks absolutely gorgeous (great tourism ad!), you could substitute the city with any other.

It took a little while for Ben to think about working things out so the film felt a little longer in that repsect. That being said, the time in between was filled to the brim with wonderful characters. I kept having to remind myself that Daniel Henshall was in Snowtown last year. This film is about a relationship on the other side of the world and there couldn't be a role so opposite to that of serial killer John Bunting. In Snowtown he creeped me out like nothing else, in this flick, I wanted to give him a hug and go biking with him. What a talent! Lawson and Taylor do a great job as well. Good to see Alan Brough got himself a new job in marketing after leaving Spicks and Specks!

Most importantly, the film's heart is in the right spot, and there are lots of laughs to be had. Make sure you stick around and watch the credits for a really fun scene about Ben trying to go through customs. The soundtrack is great and loaded with Aussie bands. I do hope the guys don't wait another twelve years before their next flick.

Things I learnt: if you're going to read a book by Hemingway, read the bull one; Mad Max was just searching for petrol; it's low carb, not low carbon; time is for teenagers.

Bloody good stuff.
Eight out of ten.